{"id":231,"date":"2025-04-17T16:35:17","date_gmt":"2025-04-17T16:35:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/content.one.lumenlearning.com\/englishcomp1\/chapter\/revising-for-style\/"},"modified":"2025-06-26T21:44:38","modified_gmt":"2025-06-26T21:44:38","slug":"revising-for-style","status":"publish","type":"chapter","link":"https:\/\/content.one.lumenlearning.com\/englishcomp1\/chapter\/revising-for-style\/","title":{"raw":"Revision Strategies: Learn It 2","rendered":"Revision Strategies: Learn It 2"},"content":{"raw":"<h2>Revising for Style<\/h2>\r\nDuring the revision process, you also want to be scanning for appropriate word choice, sentence fluency, and voice.\r\n\r\nHave you ever ordered a dish in a restaurant and not been happy with its taste, even though it contained most of your favorite ingredients? Just as a meal might lack the finishing touches needed to spice it up, so too might a paragraph contain all the basic components but still lack the stylistic finesse required to engage a reader. Sometimes writers have a tendency to reuse the same sentence pattern throughout their writing.\r\n\r\nLike any repetitive task, reading text that contains too many sentences of the same length and structure can become monotonous and boring. Experienced writers mix it up by using an assortment of sentence patterns, rhythms, and lengths. Using a mixture of different sentence structures reduces repetition and adds emphasis to important points in the text.\r\n\r\n<section class=\"textbox tryIt\" aria-label=\"Try It\">In this extract from an election campaign, the writer uses short, simple sentences of a similar length and style. Notice that five of the seven sentences begin with the same word! This style that emphasizes repetition could be useful in the rhetorical context of a speech, but for a written text, the result is a choppy, unsophisticated paragraph that does not grab the audience\u2019s attention.\r\n<blockquote>During my time in office, I have achieved several goals. I have helped increase funding for local schools. I have reduced crime rates in the neighborhood. I have encouraged young people to get involved in their community. My competitor argues that she is the better choice in the upcoming election. I argue that it is ridiculous to fix something that isn\u2019t broken. I promise to continue to serve this community if you reelect me this year.<\/blockquote>\r\n<iframe src=\"https:\/\/lumenlearning.h5p.com\/content\/1292200818174157508\/embed\" width=\"1088\" height=\"637\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\" aria-label=\"Revising for Style: Sentence Variety\" data-mce-fragment=\"1\"><\/iframe><script src=\"https:\/\/lumenlearning.h5p.com\/js\/h5p-resizer.js\" charset=\"UTF-8\"><\/script>\r\n\r\n<\/section>\r\n<h3>Not just right and wrong<\/h3>\r\nStyle is not a matter of right and wrong but of what is appropriate for each rhetorical context\u2014that is, each particular communication task, setting, and audience.\r\n\r\nWhen you first draft an essay, the sentences may sound informal or similar to the way that you speak. This is perfectly acceptable for the drafting process and for certain kinds of informal writing and rhetorical contexts. It is important, however, to be sure that the style of your writing matches the rhetorical situation.\r\n\r\nConsider these differences between conversational, spoken language, and more formal, academic language:\r\n<table style=\"width: 66%; height: 53px;\">\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr style=\"height: 13px;\">\r\n<td style=\"width: 274px; height: 13px;\"><strong>Spoken Language<\/strong><\/td>\r\n<td style=\"width: 353px; height: 13px;\"><strong>Written Language<\/strong><\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n<tr style=\"height: 13px;\">\r\n<td style=\"width: 274px; height: 13px;\">Shorter sentences<\/td>\r\n<td style=\"width: 353px; height: 13px;\">More complex sentences with varying structures<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n<tr style=\"height: 13px;\">\r\n<td style=\"width: 274px; height: 13px;\">Vague words (e.g., stuff, some)<\/td>\r\n<td style=\"width: 353px; height: 13px;\">Precise, careful word choices<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n<tr style=\"height: 14px;\">\r\n<td style=\"width: 274px; height: 13px;\">Contractions, interjections, and slang\r\n(e.g., can\u2019t even, wow!, keep it 100)<\/td>\r\n<td style=\"width: 353px; height: 13px;\">Non-colloquial, standard word choice<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n<\/tbody>\r\n<\/table>\r\n<h2>Academic Style<\/h2>\r\nFormal academic writing is concise and precise; the writer weeds out unnecessary words and chooses the exact word to convey meaning. Precise words\u2014active verbs, concrete nouns, specific adjectives\u2014help the reader visualize the sentence. In academic writing, we use adjectives sparingly and adverbs rarely, letting nouns and verbs do the work.\r\n\r\nFollow these principles to be sure that your word choice is appropriate to an academic writing task:\r\n<ul>\r\n \t<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Use a formal tone. <\/strong>Avoid slang. Find alternatives to lit, salty, lowkey, or any other contemporary terminology. Choose a more generic grouping like \"students\" rather than \u201cgirls and guys.\u201d A formal tone calls for formal language.<\/li>\r\n \t<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Avoid clich\u00e9s.<\/strong> Overused expressions such as <em>thinking outside the box<\/em>, <em>back in the day<\/em>, and similar expressions may not be descriptive enough for your audience.<\/li>\r\n \t<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Use specific words rather than overly general words.<\/strong> Find synonyms for vague words like thing, people, nice, good, bad, and interesting. Or, use specific details to make your exact meaning clear.<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\nConsider the following examples of things to avoid:\r\n<h3>Sentences that begin with There is or There are<\/h3>\r\n<div>\r\n<table>\r\n<thead>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td width=\"50%\"><strong>Wordy<\/strong><\/td>\r\n<td width=\"50%\"><strong>Revised<\/strong><\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n<\/thead>\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td width=\"50%\">There are two major experiments that the Biology Department sponsors.<\/td>\r\n<td width=\"50%\">The Biology Department sponsors two major experiments.<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n<\/tbody>\r\n<\/table>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<h3>Sentences with unnecessary modifiers<\/h3>\r\n<div>\r\n<table>\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td width=\"50%\"><strong>Wordy<\/strong><\/td>\r\n<td width=\"50%\"><strong>Revised<\/strong><\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td>Two extremely famous and well-known consumer advocates spoke eloquently in favor of the proposed important legislation.<\/td>\r\n<td>Two well-known consumer advocates spoke in favor of the proposed legislation.<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n<\/tbody>\r\n<\/table>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<h3>Sentences with unnecessary phrases that add little to the meaning<\/h3>\r\nBe judicious when you use phrases such as \u201cin terms of,\u201d \u201cwith a mind to,\u201d \u201con the subject of,\u201d \u201cas to whether or not,\u201d \u201cmore or less,\u201d \u201cas far as\u2026is concerned,\u201d and similar expressions. You can usually find a more straightforward way to state your point.\r\n<div>\r\n<table>\r\n<tbody>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td width=\"50%\"><strong>Wordy<\/strong><\/td>\r\n<td width=\"50%\"><strong>Revised<\/strong><\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n<tr>\r\n<td>As a world leader in the field of green technology, the company plans to focus its efforts in the area of geothermal energy. A report as to whether or not to use geysers as an energy source is in the process of preparation.<\/td>\r\n<td>As a world leader in green technology, the company plans to focus on geothermal energy. A report about using geysers as an energy source is in preparation.<\/td>\r\n<\/tr>\r\n<\/tbody>\r\n<\/table>\r\n<\/div>\r\n<h2>Being Inclusive With Your Writing<\/h2>\r\nAs you revise for style, look closely at the language you have used in your drafts. Often, we write words that are fairly common but might be offensive to some readers or make them feel like they are excluded from being valuable members of your audience. Revision is a chance to think carefully about your language choices and to make sure you are considering all potential readers.\r\n\r\nBelow are some examples of language choices that can help you be more inclusive in your writing:\r\n<h3>Gender terms<\/h3>\r\nUse gender-neutral pronouns when appropriate. For example, don\u2019t use the word \u201che\u201d unless you are referring to just a male. Use terms like \u201che or she\u201d when singular or \u201ctheir\u201d when plural. In fact, one easy way to make language more inclusive is to pluralize when possible. For example, a sentence such as, \u201cAny student wishing to go on the trip must turn in his money to the teacher by Friday,\u201d could easily be changed to, \u201cStudents wishing to go on the trip must turn in their money to the teacher by Friday.\u201d Unless you were writing about an all-boys school, the second sentence is a more inclusive choice.\r\n\r\nHere are some other examples:\r\n<ul>\r\n \t<li>police officer rather than policeman<\/li>\r\n \t<li>mail carrier rather than mailman<\/li>\r\n \t<li>humankind rather than mankind<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\n<h3>Racial or ethnic terms<\/h3>\r\nUse terms that are unlikely to be offensive to readers. Despite common usage, some terms like \u201cIndian\u201d are not the preferred label for many members of that group. Additionally, it can be confusing because people from the country India can be called \u201cIndian.\u201d Use \u201cNative American\u201d or even \u201cAmerican Indian\u201d instead.\r\n\r\nHere are some other examples:\r\n<ul>\r\n \t<li>Latino\/a or Latinx (or the appropriate specific ethnicity), rather than Mexican<\/li>\r\n \t<li>African-American or Black, rather than other terms<\/li>\r\n \t<li>Inuit or Native Alaskan, rather than Eskimo\r\n\r\n[caption id=\"attachment_2563\" align=\"alignright\" width=\"300\"]<img class=\"wp-image-2563 size-medium\" src=\"https:\/\/s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com\/courses-images\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4975\/2020\/01\/27191538\/keywords-letters-2041816_1920-300x200.jpg\" alt=\"Scrabble tiles spelling the word &quot;keywords&quot;. \" width=\"300\" height=\"200\" \/> <strong>Figure 1<\/strong>. Keep your audience in mind as you write, being careful to avoid words and phrases that might be offensive, exclusive, or beyond the scope of their knowledge.[\/caption]<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\n<h3>Writing about disabilities<\/h3>\r\nTerms referring to disabilities are often insensitive and sometimes even inaccurate. For example, the term \u201cblind\u201d has negative connotations. Think about how we also use it in negative ways: \u201cJill is blind to the fact that her old friends don\u2019t want to hang out with her anymore.\u201d Further, some people may be called blind when they actually have partial vision. The term \u201cvisually impaired\u201d is a better choice for multiple reasons, even when someone has a complete loss of sight.\r\n\r\nHere are some other examples:\r\n<ul>\r\n \t<li>hearing-impaired rather than deaf<\/li>\r\n \t<li>mentally disabled or mentally ill; NOT retarded or crazy<\/li>\r\n \t<li>person with disabilities or a person with a disability; NOT cripple or handicap<\/li>\r\n<\/ul>\r\n<section class=\"textbox tryIt\" aria-label=\"Try It\">[ohm2_question]34396[\/ohm2_question]<\/section>","rendered":"<h2>Revising for Style<\/h2>\n<p>During the revision process, you also want to be scanning for appropriate word choice, sentence fluency, and voice.<\/p>\n<p>Have you ever ordered a dish in a restaurant and not been happy with its taste, even though it contained most of your favorite ingredients? Just as a meal might lack the finishing touches needed to spice it up, so too might a paragraph contain all the basic components but still lack the stylistic finesse required to engage a reader. Sometimes writers have a tendency to reuse the same sentence pattern throughout their writing.<\/p>\n<p>Like any repetitive task, reading text that contains too many sentences of the same length and structure can become monotonous and boring. Experienced writers mix it up by using an assortment of sentence patterns, rhythms, and lengths. Using a mixture of different sentence structures reduces repetition and adds emphasis to important points in the text.<\/p>\n<section class=\"textbox tryIt\" aria-label=\"Try It\">In this extract from an election campaign, the writer uses short, simple sentences of a similar length and style. Notice that five of the seven sentences begin with the same word! This style that emphasizes repetition could be useful in the rhetorical context of a speech, but for a written text, the result is a choppy, unsophisticated paragraph that does not grab the audience\u2019s attention.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>During my time in office, I have achieved several goals. I have helped increase funding for local schools. I have reduced crime rates in the neighborhood. I have encouraged young people to get involved in their community. My competitor argues that she is the better choice in the upcoming election. I argue that it is ridiculous to fix something that isn\u2019t broken. I promise to continue to serve this community if you reelect me this year.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/lumenlearning.h5p.com\/content\/1292200818174157508\/embed\" width=\"1088\" height=\"637\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\" aria-label=\"Revising for Style: Sentence Variety\" data-mce-fragment=\"1\"><\/iframe><script src=\"https:\/\/lumenlearning.h5p.com\/js\/h5p-resizer.js\" charset=\"UTF-8\"><\/script><\/p>\n<\/section>\n<h3>Not just right and wrong<\/h3>\n<p>Style is not a matter of right and wrong but of what is appropriate for each rhetorical context\u2014that is, each particular communication task, setting, and audience.<\/p>\n<p>When you first draft an essay, the sentences may sound informal or similar to the way that you speak. This is perfectly acceptable for the drafting process and for certain kinds of informal writing and rhetorical contexts. It is important, however, to be sure that the style of your writing matches the rhetorical situation.<\/p>\n<p>Consider these differences between conversational, spoken language, and more formal, academic language:<\/p>\n<table style=\"width: 66%; height: 53px;\">\n<tbody>\n<tr style=\"height: 13px;\">\n<td style=\"width: 274px; height: 13px;\"><strong>Spoken Language<\/strong><\/td>\n<td style=\"width: 353px; height: 13px;\"><strong>Written Language<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr style=\"height: 13px;\">\n<td style=\"width: 274px; height: 13px;\">Shorter sentences<\/td>\n<td style=\"width: 353px; height: 13px;\">More complex sentences with varying structures<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr style=\"height: 13px;\">\n<td style=\"width: 274px; height: 13px;\">Vague words (e.g., stuff, some)<\/td>\n<td style=\"width: 353px; height: 13px;\">Precise, careful word choices<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr style=\"height: 14px;\">\n<td style=\"width: 274px; height: 13px;\">Contractions, interjections, and slang<br \/>\n(e.g., can\u2019t even, wow!, keep it 100)<\/td>\n<td style=\"width: 353px; height: 13px;\">Non-colloquial, standard word choice<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<h2>Academic Style<\/h2>\n<p>Formal academic writing is concise and precise; the writer weeds out unnecessary words and chooses the exact word to convey meaning. Precise words\u2014active verbs, concrete nouns, specific adjectives\u2014help the reader visualize the sentence. In academic writing, we use adjectives sparingly and adverbs rarely, letting nouns and verbs do the work.<\/p>\n<p>Follow these principles to be sure that your word choice is appropriate to an academic writing task:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Use a formal tone. <\/strong>Avoid slang. Find alternatives to lit, salty, lowkey, or any other contemporary terminology. Choose a more generic grouping like &#8220;students&#8221; rather than \u201cgirls and guys.\u201d A formal tone calls for formal language.<\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Avoid clich\u00e9s.<\/strong> Overused expressions such as <em>thinking outside the box<\/em>, <em>back in the day<\/em>, and similar expressions may not be descriptive enough for your audience.<\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\"><strong>Use specific words rather than overly general words.<\/strong> Find synonyms for vague words like thing, people, nice, good, bad, and interesting. Or, use specific details to make your exact meaning clear.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Consider the following examples of things to avoid:<\/p>\n<h3>Sentences that begin with There is or There are<\/h3>\n<div>\n<table>\n<thead>\n<tr>\n<td style=\"width: 50%;\"><strong>Wordy<\/strong><\/td>\n<td style=\"width: 50%;\"><strong>Revised<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/thead>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td style=\"width: 50%;\">There are two major experiments that the Biology Department sponsors.<\/td>\n<td style=\"width: 50%;\">The Biology Department sponsors two major experiments.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/div>\n<h3>Sentences with unnecessary modifiers<\/h3>\n<div>\n<table>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td style=\"width: 50%;\"><strong>Wordy<\/strong><\/td>\n<td style=\"width: 50%;\"><strong>Revised<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td>Two extremely famous and well-known consumer advocates spoke eloquently in favor of the proposed important legislation.<\/td>\n<td>Two well-known consumer advocates spoke in favor of the proposed legislation.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/div>\n<h3>Sentences with unnecessary phrases that add little to the meaning<\/h3>\n<p>Be judicious when you use phrases such as \u201cin terms of,\u201d \u201cwith a mind to,\u201d \u201con the subject of,\u201d \u201cas to whether or not,\u201d \u201cmore or less,\u201d \u201cas far as\u2026is concerned,\u201d and similar expressions. You can usually find a more straightforward way to state your point.<\/p>\n<div>\n<table>\n<tbody>\n<tr>\n<td style=\"width: 50%;\"><strong>Wordy<\/strong><\/td>\n<td style=\"width: 50%;\"><strong>Revised<\/strong><\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<tr>\n<td>As a world leader in the field of green technology, the company plans to focus its efforts in the area of geothermal energy. A report as to whether or not to use geysers as an energy source is in the process of preparation.<\/td>\n<td>As a world leader in green technology, the company plans to focus on geothermal energy. A report about using geysers as an energy source is in preparation.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n<\/div>\n<h2>Being Inclusive With Your Writing<\/h2>\n<p>As you revise for style, look closely at the language you have used in your drafts. Often, we write words that are fairly common but might be offensive to some readers or make them feel like they are excluded from being valuable members of your audience. Revision is a chance to think carefully about your language choices and to make sure you are considering all potential readers.<\/p>\n<p>Below are some examples of language choices that can help you be more inclusive in your writing:<\/p>\n<h3>Gender terms<\/h3>\n<p>Use gender-neutral pronouns when appropriate. For example, don\u2019t use the word \u201che\u201d unless you are referring to just a male. Use terms like \u201che or she\u201d when singular or \u201ctheir\u201d when plural. In fact, one easy way to make language more inclusive is to pluralize when possible. For example, a sentence such as, \u201cAny student wishing to go on the trip must turn in his money to the teacher by Friday,\u201d could easily be changed to, \u201cStudents wishing to go on the trip must turn in their money to the teacher by Friday.\u201d Unless you were writing about an all-boys school, the second sentence is a more inclusive choice.<\/p>\n<p>Here are some other examples:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>police officer rather than policeman<\/li>\n<li>mail carrier rather than mailman<\/li>\n<li>humankind rather than mankind<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3>Racial or ethnic terms<\/h3>\n<p>Use terms that are unlikely to be offensive to readers. Despite common usage, some terms like \u201cIndian\u201d are not the preferred label for many members of that group. Additionally, it can be confusing because people from the country India can be called \u201cIndian.\u201d Use \u201cNative American\u201d or even \u201cAmerican Indian\u201d instead.<\/p>\n<p>Here are some other examples:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Latino\/a or Latinx (or the appropriate specific ethnicity), rather than Mexican<\/li>\n<li>African-American or Black, rather than other terms<\/li>\n<li>Inuit or Native Alaskan, rather than Eskimo<br \/>\n<figure id=\"attachment_2563\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-2563\" style=\"width: 300px\" class=\"wp-caption alignright\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"wp-image-2563 size-medium\" src=\"https:\/\/s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com\/courses-images\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/4975\/2020\/01\/27191538\/keywords-letters-2041816_1920-300x200.jpg\" alt=\"Scrabble tiles spelling the word &quot;keywords&quot;.\" width=\"300\" height=\"200\" \/><figcaption id=\"caption-attachment-2563\" class=\"wp-caption-text\"><strong>Figure 1<\/strong>. Keep your audience in mind as you write, being careful to avoid words and phrases that might be offensive, exclusive, or beyond the scope of their knowledge.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<h3>Writing about disabilities<\/h3>\n<p>Terms referring to disabilities are often insensitive and sometimes even inaccurate. For example, the term \u201cblind\u201d has negative connotations. Think about how we also use it in negative ways: \u201cJill is blind to the fact that her old friends don\u2019t want to hang out with her anymore.\u201d Further, some people may be called blind when they actually have partial vision. The term \u201cvisually impaired\u201d is a better choice for multiple reasons, even when someone has a complete loss of sight.<\/p>\n<p>Here are some other examples:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>hearing-impaired rather than deaf<\/li>\n<li>mentally disabled or mentally ill; NOT retarded or crazy<\/li>\n<li>person with disabilities or a person with a disability; NOT cripple or handicap<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<section class=\"textbox tryIt\" aria-label=\"Try It\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" id=\"ohm34396\" class=\"resizable\" src=\"https:\/\/ohm.one.lumenlearning.com\/multiembedq.php?id=34396&theme=lumen&iframe_resize_id=ohm34396&source=tnh&show_question_numbers\" width=\"100%\" height=\"150\"><\/iframe><\/section>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"menu_order":9,"template":"","meta":{"_candela_citation":"[{\"type\":\"cc\",\"description\":\"Revising for Style: Choose words that are sensitive to your audience\",\"author\":\"Guy Krueger\",\"organization\":\"University of 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